Hard Pass
I’ve been pitching headlines to The Hard Times for a good bit of time now (my first article was published in June of 2019), and while I’ve gotten several approved, there are many, many more that get passed on. While they may not be right for the site, or just work as a headline with no substance, I wanted a place to store them all in case I wanted to revisit later. So this will be a running list.
Kid Rock Releases New Video for Single “If I Say ‘Fuck You’ And Flip The Bird A Whole Bunch Will I Still Be Relevant?”
We Sat Down With Deaf Havana to Talk About Their Seminal Album “Sunbather”
We Sat Down With Brass Against and WHOA OKAY… WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT
Opinion: Have You Ever Wondered What "Nothing Else Matters" Would Sound Like If The Singer of Depeche Mode or Hootie and the Blowfish Sang It? Well Wonder No More!
Opinion: Kinda Bullshit That The Express Checkout Lane at the Super Market Gets The Hot Cashier, No?
Opinion: Lstn, N Prblm fr th Mmrs
Goth Suing Liquid Death For False Advertising
Corporate Punk Ecstatic to Be Called to HR’s Office
Opinion: I Guess It All Started When Chun Li Fought Vega In Her Underwear And A Bath Robe in Street Fighter 2: The Animated Movie
We Sat Down With This Local Scene Legend Because He’s The Listing Agent For This House We’re Trying to Buy
We Sat Down With Queer Icon Roy G. Biv and Boy is He Colorful
Opinion: What Makes You Think I Want To Talk About That? You Brought it Up, Not Me
Opinion: I Can’t Believe The Guy I Didn’t Vote for Who I Will Never Agree With On Anything Is Enacting Policies That I Am In Direct Opposition Of
BEN SHAPIRO DESTROYS OUR CAPS LOCK KEY
Biden Accidentally Quotes Entire Bad Religion Song in Address to Congress
Top 5 Band Names You Can Comment on Facebook to Get A 30-Day Ban
We Sat Down With Menudo And They Have to Be a Latin Ska Band Because There Were Like 40 People In This Interview
We Sat Down With Jason Aalon Butler And He Told Us To Stand Up
How I Went From A 21st Century Digital Boy to A Lazy, Middle-Class Intellectual in 5 Easy Steps
Punk Considering Having A Kid Just to Get Tax Credit Not A Math Guy
Unhinged Mick Jagger Speaking Gibberish Accidentally Records Song of the Summer
Small Government Conservative Says if Victim Just Listened to Government Official No Matter What They Would Still Be Alive
Straight Edge Man Eagerly Awaiting The New Spring Graphic Tee Drop from Express Men
Opinon: IDK About You, But Even With the Changes to Lola Bunny's Wardrobe, I Still Would...
Absolute Psychopath Uses Facebook App On Smart TV
Metalhead Finds Song Selection Lacking In “Metal Ride” Peloton Class
Opinion: I’m Allowed To Say It... My Kids Are Black
Opinion: I Can’t Be A Racist... Just Look At The Murder Rate In Chicago
Opinion: White Reggae Is CANCELED! Not For Appropriation Or Anything... It Just Sucks
Local Band Thought Gig Economy Would Lead to More Shows
Rise Against Announce New Album "Just Like The Last Six"
Members Of Punk House Filing Taxes Jointly All List Themselves as Breadloser
We Sat Down With Thrice and Nothing Eventful Happened; They’re All Just Decent, Lovely People. What a Treat!
Ska Band “Me So Horny” Having Difficulty Turning Website Traffic Into Album Sales
Opinion: You Can’t Stop Me From Sexualizing A Cartoon Rabbit OR A Plastic Potato, Okay?
Cancel Culture Gone Too Far? Oakley Stopped Offering My Favorite Pair of Shades!
Opinion: You Can't Spell "Amulet" Without A Mulet (guest post by Davey Havok)
Opinion: Actually, The Real Dropkick Murphy Was British, Not Irish
"Small Government Conservative Congressman" is a Riddle, Wrapped in a Mystery, Inside an Enigma
Abbott & Costello List Their Favorite Bands As The Who and IDK
Opinion: Just Because My Rap Name is “Vanilla Bean” Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Want to be Taken Seriously
Fudge Tunnel Shirt Sending Wrong Message
Opinion: The Only "Beautiful Disaster" Is Nick Hexum Clinging to the Chin Strap
Quiz: Order Off the Dollar Menu at McDonalds and We Will Guess Your Tax Bracket
We Sat Down with Snoop Dogg Because He Thinks We Are High Times and We’re Not About to Correct Him
Opinion: The Sign of a Healthy Church Is Crying Altar Boys
Next Weezer Album Probably Gonna Be Called “Kid B” or “Out Rainbows” or Something Like That
Metalhead Dies Attempting To Actually Get High on Fire
Larry King Divorces Mortal Realm
Where Are They Now? The “Punk” Kid Wearing A Dead Kennedy’s Shirt In the New Radicals ”Get What You Give” Video
Biden Asks Foo Fighters Not To Remind Inauguration Crowd Of the 90s By Playing Any Of Their Early Stuff
PMA Metal Frontman Wants To See A Wall of Life
Opinion: If Big Tech Can Shut Down Parler, Then Why Can't They Hide My Troublesome Past Remarks and Arrest Record?
Opinion: Now I Can Finally Go Back to Not Listening to Bad Wolves Just Because They Suck
This Is All Obama’s, The Media’s, Democrat’s, George Soros’, Hillary’s, Hollywood Elite’s, Illegal’s, BLM’s, China’s, and ANTIFA’s Fault Claims Party of Personal Responsibility
Refused Clarify This Is NOT What They Meant
We Sat Down With Thursday to Discuss Their Longtime Feud With The Cure
Supreme Court Hands Trump Presidency After He Objects to Them Cutting It In Half and Splitting It With Biden
Opinion: Listen, This Facebook Group is All I Have Okay?
We Sat Down With Jack Antonoff To Find Out Who Anton Is
Poser Hopes Someone Will Show Him How To “Do the Propaganda”
Mike Herrera Updates Resume to Say “Lead Bassist”
Opinion: Dumb & Dumber is a Lloyd Christmas Movie
Small Government Conservative Can't Wait For Trump To Impose Martial Law Via Executive Order
Opinion: Cyber Monday EXTENDED Through 2021!
Opinion: If ‘Elf’ is a Christmas Movie, Why Wasn’t It Released in July Like ‘Die Hard’?
Opinion: Come On Ya Schmucks, One More Time for Hershel!
Man Visited By Ghost of Shitmas Past Shits Self Watching ETID's TIDathon
Opinion: 11:17am, Why Does Everyone Keep Asking Me That
Overpriced Hipster Website Offers 3.14% Off for Cyber Monday
We Sat Down With Chris Hansen Right Over There
Ben Shapiro Can Prove That Harry Styles Has A Dry Ass P-Word
Shutdown Reuniting
Opinion: Just Because I Shared This Extremely Controversial Post Doesn't Mean I Want to Respond to Comments
Johnny Rzeznik’s Plastic Surgeon Doesn’t Want The World to See Him Either
Parler App Immediately Deemed Largest Safe Space in the History of Existence
Opinion: I’m No Physicist But I Thought When A Pendulum Swings It Just Stops at Its Peak
Conservatives Excied to Remind Liberals For Next Four Years That Trump Won Popular Vote by -7 Million
Chuck Todd Somehow Turns Election Map Into Blue Screen of Death
Trump Challenges Biden to Winner-Take-All Rochambeau on Supreme Court Steps
Report: Nate Silver on Suicide Watch
Punk Contrarian Prefers Pudding Biafra
Top 5 Online Personas to Adopt Now That Trump is Gone
Founder of Kikwear Reveals Brand Name Was A Typo, Was Supposed to Be LOLWear
“Nobody Likes Us, We Don’t Care” Claims Universally Beloved Brand
Poser Gives a Fuck
No Bert, It's Not Okay You Puked the Day Away
We Sat Down With Haunt and Couchgrabbed For So Long He Wrote A New Album
FFDP Fan Falls For the Classic "Nothing, What's A Metaphor You?" Punchline
We Interviewed the Wrong Nails and Now We Know 88 Lines About 44 Women
Attempt To Make World’s First “Gamma Male” Backfires Immensely
Troy Aikman Doesn’t Know About That
Trump Tries to Replace RBG with CMYK
Desperate to Make His Vote Count, Fucking Idiot Moves to New Hampshire
Local Man More of A Butt Rock Guy Than A Tit Rock Guy
Opinion: The Best Way to Remember 9/11 is to Live in Unity Like on 9/12, Unless You’re a Liberal Pussy Dumbocrat Who Hates America
Donald Trump’s Wall Finally Built On Trey Gowdy’s Head
Opinion: Actually These Sunglasses Hide My Lyin’ Eyes Just Fine
Opinion: Would You Look at This SNOWFLAKE (pic of the dolphin from Ace Ventura)
Comedian from Arizona Explains It's A Dry Humor
5 Tips for Dealing With the Bouncing Souls Invading Your NJ Craft Brewery
Opinion: Killed My Landlord, Ain’t That Funny?
Opinion: Why Did Misery Signals Have to Yell At Me Like That?
Metal Festival Featuring Over 30 Bands, Ben Koller on Drums
The Next Daft Punk? Nobody Knows Who These Two Guys In Masks Are
Cardboard Cutouts Placed at Punk Show Livestream Still Boo Opening Band
Uh Oh! This Male comedian is Friends with Whitney Cummings...
Opinion: It’s Not That Heavy, It’s Just Awkward
Opinion: I Can't Believe Bilson from How I Met Your Mother Could Rape All Those Girls
Punks Thrown in Secret Police Van Can Technically Say They've Been on Tour
Opinion: Oh, How I The Mighty Have Fallen
Antemasque Fan Dies of Coronavirus
Zuckerberg First Person Canceled for White Face
Gary Vee Cancels Lunch At Vayner Media Due to Lack of Hustle
Opinion: Look, I'm Just Saying You Know More About Pedophiles Than Anyone I Know
Fashion Tip: This Season’s Top Five Hat Styles For Your Tin Foil
Opinion: It’s Time HBO Brings Back ‘Reverb’, and Also Get Off My Lawn
Opinion: You Can’t Cancel Me... I QUIT!
Chris D’Elia Swears He Never Met Up with Any Girls Younger Than Juneteen
Opinion: Wait a Minute... Bane Broke Up?
Opinion: I’ve Never Seen Bad Wolves Therefore They Don’t Exist
Fat Wreck Chords Drops Bad Cop/Bad Cop, Immediately Re-Signs Masked Intruder
Racist Provocateur Posts White Square Today, Stunning Dozens of Followers
Out of Touch Punk Blacks Out for Blackout Tuesday
Opinion: I Bet If I Tag This Small Business in My Instagram Story, They Will Repost It
Opinion: It’s Not That I’m an Incel... It’s Just The Best Form of Birth Cintrol Is Making Sure No One Wants to Bang You
Aging Punk Remembers Hating On Sports During the Jordan-Led Era of the 90s
Man with Fresh Cut Severely Overestimates How Much Shampoo Needed to Wash Hair
Report: Hella Mega Tour Still Hyper Ultra Happening, It’s Just Super Duper Delayed Due to Totally Radical Corona Virus
Man Somehow Gets Gonorrhea Attending Virtual Music Festival
That Punk You Called a Poser? He Curb-Stomped Two People Last Week
We Sat Down with the Rapper From the Pull-Ups Commercial to Discuss His Beef with Shitting Yourself
Aging Hardcore Fan Wishes More Bands Would Livestream Their Sets on Saturday at 9pm
Code Orange Vocalist Tells Empty Venue to “GET THE FUCK UP HERE”
Punk Hoping Bernie Gets the Nomination So He Can Drop Out of College for Free
Alex Jones Claims Breathalyzers Are An Evil Alien Tool Liberals Use to Have the Deep State Control the Population
Ted Cruz Self-Quarantines to Remind Himself of High School
Long Time Fan of Band Touring for Newest Album Really Hopes Setlist Consists of Nothing But Old Songs
Extremely Woke Man Terrified to Admit He Doesn't Know If Ghandi's First Name was Mohandas or Mahatma
Knotfest At Sea Actually A Cruise Tutorial On Tying Sailors Knots
Big Bang Theory Much Funnier When Watched With “Laugh Tracks” by Knocked Loose
Help! I Reached Out and Touched Faith and Now Shes Suing Me for Sexual Harassment!
Teenage Bottlerocket Turns 20, Changes Name to Middle Age Bottlerocket
Opinion: ou Can’t Spell Glasseater Without Asseat... What’s That? The Editors Want a Word With Me? Will You Excuse Me a Moment Please
Opinion: Dave Chappelle Only Supports Andrew Yang So He Can Scream "YANG GANG BITCH!" In His Famous Yell... But I Can't Think of Anyone More Qualified to Follow Politically, So YANG GANG BITCH!
Pop Punk Frontman Says Main Influence is Bronski Beat Debut Album "The Age of Consent"
Opinion: Literally Just the Lyrics to "Situation" by Yaz
American Punk in London Goes Wrong Way in Circle Pit
Opinion: Actually Yes, I CAN Be a Pimp and a Prostitute Too
Fire Chief Shuts Down Iowa Caucus In the Middle of Bernie’s Encore
Band Broken Down In Van Tells AAA They’re Pagans to Get Free Tow
Teen Punk at Bar Mitzvah Crowd Surfs to High Five Buddy on Chair
Connor Oberst Finds Himself In Hot Water Music
We Sat Down With 69 Boyz to Discuss Their Smash Hit “Tootsie Roll” and... Well, I Guess This Is Goodbye
Flyers Mascot Gritty Wanted For Drop-Kicking Cell-Phone Wielding Selfier Off of Stage
Opinion: All You Do To Me is Talk Talk
Review: We Give Pearl Jam's Latest Single "Talking Heads Phase" A Spin!
Rise Against to Get Back to Roots, Release New Pennywise Album
Kerrang! Employee Fired for Using <ol> Instead of <ul>
Facebook Group Administrator Refuses to Admit His Favorite Band is Power Trip
Red Dot On Left Side of Bathroom Sink Faucet Handle Just For Show Apparently
Opinion: I Just Think It’s Interesting That You Stopped Liking Metallica When They Put Out A Black Album
That Deaf, Dumb, and Blind Kid Fucking Sucked at Skeeball
Opinion: Well, This Isn’t a Diner, and It Isn’t a Drive In, So You Tell Me...
“We Play the Same Whether It’s in Front of 100 People or 1000 People” Says Band Who Has Never Played to More Than 30 People
Opinion: Okay... Hear Me Out: Squirrel Nut Zippers
Scientists Fear the World Will Run Out of Things for Jeff Ross to “Roast” by 2023
Modern Baseball Fan Can’t Explain Infield Fly Rule
Mike Herrera Films Himself Going on Interview at Wendy’s
Mom Catches Punk Son Listening to Guttermouth, Makes Him Listen to S.O.A.P.
Crust Punk Eats Pizza Crust First
U2 to Release Next Album Straight to Public Domain
Beto Dropping Out of Presidential Race to Focus on New Radicals Cover Band
Suggestion Box at DNC Headquarters Oddly Placed Right Above Garbage Can
See What the Girl On the Cover of Norma Jean’s “Bless the Martyr and Kiss the Child” Looks Like 18 Years Late... Oh Shit, Really?
Wedding DJ Going With the Old “Slow Song Followed by Fast Song” to Get Wedding Guests Up Dancing
Opinion: What Did I, What Did I, What Did I Do to Deserve This?
Five for Fighting Reunite as 10 Minute Misconduct
Ten Yard Fight Reunite as Fifteen Yard Fight After Delay of Game Penalty
Report: Struggling Company Downgrades to Half-Ply Toilet Paper
Opinion: Copyright Infringement?! I Thought "Pick Up the Pieces" Was Public Domain!
Opinion: he Only Difference Between a Poser and a Poseur is U
Local Band Always the Support, Never the Headliner
Dejected Man Decides It’s Time to Give Up, Start a Craft Beer Instagram
Opinion: You’ve Got the Brawn, I’ve Got the Brains, Let’s Make a Shitty Couple
Man Who Posted About Shooting All Liberals Yesterday Mourning 9/11, Requesting Return to Civility
10 Seconds of Summer to Tour South America as 10 Seconds of Winter
Woke Goth Chick Only Dates Black Guys
Biggest Punk Tour to Start at $100 a Ticket and Only Play Arenas
Recent College Grad Spends All His Money at 50 Cent Wing and 25 Cent Beer Night
The Next Jim Morrison? I Started Drinking As Soon As I Woke Up
“Nice Is The New Punk” Says Total Fucking Poser
Sure, Blade Runner is Great... but Rutger Hauer’s Real Masterpiece is Crossworlds with Josh Charles
Three Dead, Dozens Injured as Shaq Attends Hardcore Show
What to Expect When You’re Expecting Your Band to Write Its Third Album
“Facebook Group Administrator: 2017 - Present” Highlight of Unemployed Man’s Resume
Punk Baby Can't Fit Square Peg in Circle Pit
Poll: Majority of Women Agree, Punk Guitarists Don’t Know Where the G Chord Is
Pop Punk Band has a Great Idea for a Disney Junior Show
James Hetfield Finds Himself in Unlikely Beef After The Real McCoy Releases Diss Track About Him
Local Weed Dealer Doesn’t Make Any Money Off Clients, Just Makes Enough to Smoke an Ounce Per Week for Free
New Knocked Loose LP to feature guest vocals by DMX
hate5six deploys new algorithm that tells you every band whose earlier stuff is better
Punk Dad Dreading Having the Sex Pistols Talk With Teenage Son
YouTube Comment Section Now Largest Staffing Agency for Freelance Sound Engineers
Code Orange Show Officially Upgraded to Code Red Due to Recent Wave of Crowdkilling
Bruce’s HS Pitcher Friend from “Glory Days” Only Had One Good Pitch
