I Watched Hard Knocks, Part 1
In which I watch Hard Knocks on HBO and write down my stream of consciousness.
You’re not cryin’, are you Jerry Jones? Jerry Jones is cryin’.
I forgot how gruesome Dak’s ankle injury actually was. Felt bad for him when it happened. Rooting for him to have a good season at least, and hoping it’s not the start of an entire career plagued by injuries…
...oh okay. Well at least it was quick and painless, like peeling off a surgery bandage.
Watching Ezekiel Elliot wrap a boxed gift had to be one of the most infuriating things I’ve ever seen captured on a camera. “I taped nothing! HAHAHA” The fact it ended up being this ridiculous purple suitcase only adds to my anger.
STOP HITTING CEEDEE LAMB IN THE NUTS.
Love that Jerry Jones, who got his money through oil, has bikes everywhere on the campus.
The vasectomy meeting. I don’t really have any comment on it, other than now that I’ve brought it up, I can’t take it back. I just had to be sure that I really wanted to bring it up, you know?
Micah Parsons lol... “I WANT WO” *gets burned by Wo* “Nice route… I gotta make up for Wo” *interception* “I had to make up for Wo!” Setup, confrontation, resolution; all in 2 plays.
Jerry Jones talking to the head trainer seemed very suspicious, if not foreshadowing. I get the feeling by episode four he’s gonna replace that burnt egg sandwich with whiskey and that phone call will just be him standing and screaming into the speaker “GET HIM THE FUCK ON THE FIELD!”
Speaking of Dak… imagine they limit his practice to no throws and he ends up hurting his arm even more trying to wipe cake on his teammates? What was that, lemon meringue?
Someone tell Parsons that just cause he’s not playing… he doesn’t HAVE to sit down. Nine hours in a row? From someone who sits nine hours a day… stand up.
That final slow-mo montage of the game talking about “the beauty” of the game and hoping that “this year… the Boyz are back.” did a great job of dramatizing a hella-boring preseason matchup that ended 16-3.
The episode ending with Dak saying how he snapped his arm as a kid really isn’t doing much for that whole injury concern. Also, the Rookie of the Year comparison… he knows how that movie ended right?
Until next week, Sabretooth.
